It’s the night before your first expedition.
You’re terrified-- you joined to fight for a cause, completely aware of the consequences. But even so, the outside frightened you. Tossing and turning in bed, a weary sigh leaves you.
Sleep won’t come to you tonight.
Kicking the blanket off, the cold hits you immediately, body shivering in response as you take light steps out of the room, mind set on your next location. It doesn’t take long to get there, pallid digits gently opening the door.
Eyes immediately lock onto the person you were searching for; the one who could comfort you.
Brown optics linger on you, the puzzled expression turning grim immediately before he gestures you over.
“Can’t sleep, either?”
Shaking your head, you sit next to him on the bed, head resting against his chest. It calms you slightly, though your stomach churns at the thought of leaving safety tomorrow. You shouldn’t feel this way-- you’re a soldier now, a guardian of humanity.
“Are you scared?” you ask in a soft tone, pressing closer as his arms wrap around your waist, chin resting on the top of your head.
“Scared shitless,” he responds, “I don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, but we’ll make it.”
False words of hope.
They’re heard often-- the only comfort provided. It helps ease the panic, but you know that there’s no guarantee in his words. You could hope and pray as much as you wanted, but there was no chance that it would improve your chance of returning home.
The loss of your family suddenly flashes in your mind, lips pursing tightly. You didn’t have a home-- you truly believed that when you enlisted.
But he was your home now.
Although you were still young, perhaps even considered children to some, you confided in each other. You all were only teenagers, really.
It was horrible.
At such an age, you were supposed to be running off, still learning to grow up.
And here you were, risking your lives for mankind.
You’ve dwelled too much. The thoughts bring tears to your eyes as you quickly wipe them away, a shaky exhale leaving roseate lips.
“It’s not fair,” you manage to say, shaking your head, hands covering your face. “We’re not supposed to grow up like this. Those kids aren’t supposed to be worrying about whether the titans will attack today-- they should be worrying about their lost toys, or whether--”
Your body begins to shake against his, muffled cries managing to escape you.
“Hey,” he begins gently, hands grabbing your wrists and gently prying them away from covering your features. “Don’t think like that, okay? I know things are going to be shitty, but once you start losing hope, you lose yourself.”
Lips press against your temple as you eventually calm down, though it takes a while. But he continues to hold you, patiently waiting.
“I don’t want to lose you. Not like Marco.”
Body going rigid at the reminder of the fallen ally, you ignore the lump in your throat, fingers pressed against your lips, tears threatening to return once more.
Hand grabbing his, fingers intertwine in a comforting grip.
Silence fills the room, both of you simply holding each other, pondering the possibilities of tomorrow.
This could be the last time you’re together.
“You won’t lose me.” you murmur, gaze moving up to meet his as you give him a small kiss.
A faint, sorrowful smile graces his lips as he nods at you, squeezing your hand.
“You won’t lose me, either. I promise you that.”
Though death continues to linger in your mind, the warmth of his body against yours brings you comfort, eventually lulling you to sleep.
You know you can’t trust those words, no matter how much you want to.
But for now, you’ll allow yourself to believe him.